Are You Self-Sabotaging?
Last week I realised that I sometimes do self-sabotage. It was when I was eating another chocolate biscuit that afternoon, having run a 5k that morning around a lovely park! UHHUH? 
There I am trying to lose a bit of weight around my middle (the legacy of 4 children and just a little bit too much good livin’) and so I increase my exercise levels, only to sabotage my results with my eating. What’s that all about?
I was pondering why I do this, when I got a question from a close friend about EXACTLY this topic and why HE self-sabotages just when he needs to sell his product and service. He sort of backs away from the sale, and feels a bit embarrassed and shy about it. Even though he has invested thousands to learn how to sell better!
WHY do we do this and what can we do about this pattern of behaviour? I have done some research and this is what the experts seem to say on the matter:
- Procrastination. Rather than taking action and dealing with the actual consequences (whether positive or negative) we worry, stress, and delay overtaking action. This sets up a pattern in our brain that gives us a get out clause to achieve what we set out to do.
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT: Start to take immediate action without worrying about the consequences for one week. Write a journal about how you feel and the fear you might be facing. Then evaluate the outcome of what you DID achieve as a result of no more procrastination.
- Burying your real feelings. When you don’t really face up to how you feel about a situation and bury your feelings, you don’t give yourself permission to be you and be authentic. You may want to change your feelings about a situation but this begins by being totally honest with yourself about how you feel in the first place.
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT: Take courage, to be honest with yourself first, and then if you need to, learn how to communicate this assertively to others. Be assertive with yourself too on honouring your boundaries. Soon you will be able to identify and recognise your REAL feelings faster and then become much more authentically you.
- Dwelling on regrets/ past pain. By spending time and energy turning over the past in our heads, we fail to be in the present moment, appreciating with gratitude all we have and are. This is energy-sapping and stops us feeling free and confident to be who we are and do what we need to do. It holds us in the grip of the past, and stops us from moving into a new version of ourselves which is constantly renewing and being changed.
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT: You may need to actively forgive those who have hurt you, and also find the ways in which your past has served you positively and well. When you are emotionally free of the past through accepting and embracing it, you will find you can grow much more into the present YOU and do what the present you needs to do!
I’ve recognised that my self-sabotage is to do with a pattern of ‘treats for good behaviour’ that was set up by my mum when I was a little girl. So, by doing a 5k run, I feel I am owed a treat! It is a reward for being good. However, my adult brain tells me that if I have a sugary treat it will not take me nearer my goal. So from now on, it’s fruit or nuts as a treat for me. (I didn’t say I would give up the treat did I)!
To your growth!
What area’s do you self-sabotage and how are you going to change it? Share in the comments below!
Wendy
