How you make people feel really matters
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
So how do you make people feel? In different transactions and relationships we probably want to make people feel a variety of emotions – desire, anticipation, regret, loyalty, empathy, fear, longing, even love. This is not manipulation, this is interaction – all humans have an amazing ability to create feelings in other people without even realising it.
How often on Facebook have you felt sad, envious, pitiful, happy, delighted or worried? Just by reading other people’s posts about their lives and seeing what they’re up to! As someone who generally likes to get along with others and have harmonious relationships, I have often struggled when I have created pain in others. Well you could say that the pain was already there and I brought it to the surface by something I said or did. I think many of us don’t want to cause pain in others so shy away from those interactions which bring it to the surface.
However, in becoming a speaker I have realised that bringing pain, fear, loss, regret, longing to the surface is my job. It enables people to look at their lives and take action to make changes. In fact if I DON’T do this then I am doing them a disservice. I am not there to make them feel content and happy, or they won’t commit to change, and the key reason I am speaking to them is to create the environment for change.
I am still not terribly comfortable making people feel uncomfortable, but I believe that if I can connect to the deep love which I feel for them underneath it all, and serve them with all my heart, then I can both hold them and stretch them at the same time.
